School
by Alfred's Elevator
Summary: The fith-grade classroom is a hectic place, but when yiou pack a bunch of insane ten-year-olds in with a new teacher and her two aids? Utter chaos erupts. The only hope of order comes from the principal, but will he be enough? T for launguage,violence, France, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The bell rang out over the grounds of the elementary school and the noise level of all the chatty students faltered for a brief second and then regained it's full volume. The kids slowly filed into the building and entered their different classrooms, chatting until the second bell rang. The classroom of 5th graders were excited, today was the free time they had earned for all scoring high grades on the fraction test. The teacher entered the room and called the kids to attention.

"Before I give you the free time you all deserve so much for getting such great grades on our math test, we need to go over the impact of WWI on America." A collective groan throughout the room. The teacher, Elizabeta Héderváry, had only been teaching for less than a year, and she was still learning the tricks of teaching. Her aids, Roderich Edelstein and Arthur Kirkland, were there to be re-educated on being around kids. Roderich had demanded a group of toddlers lay on top of one another and then sat on them and Arthur had been yelling profanity at an eight-year-old who had hit him with a snowball. All in all they were really bad with kids. There were only about 15 kids, but for the three it was a handful, especially with so many...troublesome students.

The movie on WWI was over and the kids were enjoying the rest of the day. Five of the kids were playing Monopoly on a table. Gilbert, Alfred, Feliciano, Lovino, and Kiku were all having fun, even if the younger Italian didn't really get it.  
"DUDES! Not again! How does the cowboy get sent to jail _six _times!?" Alfred pounded his fist on the table, making the board jump.  
"Why is being sent to jail a bad thing? You can spread happiness to the mice that are there." Feliciano asked. No one bothered to answer the question.  
"My turn." Gilbert said, reaching for the dice.  
"It is not your turn you bastard, it's mine damn it." Lovino snatched the cubes before the Prussian could grab them. He rolled a three and a six and moved his cannon around to New York Avenue.  
"That's six-hundred. I have three awesome houses so give the money to the awesome Gilbert! I'm dominating this game! There's no way you losers are gonna win, I'm too awesome! " Gilbert yelled. Alfred had had enough, he stood up and flipped the table over, sending the game pieces everywhere.

"I quit, you're such a jerk!" he yelled and stormed out of the room into the hall. Across the room Hungary signaled to Arthur that he should take care of telling the American off. Meanwhile, Lovino was whispering to Feliciano.

"Hey, those houses look like candy, you should eat them." He told the...slow child.

"Okay big brother!" He said grabbing a handful of the little green houses and stuffing them in his mouth.

"Shit! Not really!" the elder yelled as Feliciano started choking. Elizabeta came over to lecture the dark-haired boy on language, but when she came over she saw the choking boy and started talking in a very high-pitched, fast, loud voice.

"OH MY GOSH! FELICIANO! What do I do? Ohmygosh, who do I call? Police? Firemen? Ambulance? 911? Poison Control? House insurance!?"

"GhostBusters!" Alfred was back, with the principal. The man, named Ludwig, raced over to the poor kid on the floor.

"What happened!?" he asked, giving Feliciano the heimlich maneuver while Arthur approached to see if there was anything he could do and Roderich started to calm Elizabeta down.

Once all the "candy" had been coughed up and the teacher had calmed down the principal asked Roderich to grab some real candy for the traumatized kids. Kiku spoke up when he asked what had happened.

"Alfred-san tipped over the table and Veneziano-kun started eating the houses." he said.

"You dummkopf. What were you thinking?" He asked the italian who had quickly recovered and set about playing with the Iron Cross around the German's neck.

"They looked like candy. What is this necklace?" He asked.

"A family heirloom." The principal smiled. "But I'll save the story for later, I have to go back to my office. I only came out here to stop the complaints of bad language and yelling. The other teachers were getting anxious."

"Ok, bye bye Ludwig!" The young Italian gave the principal a hug. Though he was generally strict and well-mannered, the German had a soft spot for the little kid. He would never admit it, but he wouldn't let any other kid hug him either.

After the principal left Elizabeta noticed Roderich had been gone for a long time and convinced Arthur to supervise a game of Four Corners. She made her way down the hall to the school kitchen and opened the door, looking around. What she saw would be one of the weirdest moments in her teaching career; Her aid sitting on the counter, eating a bar of soap. They stared at each other for a few moments until the Austrian tossed a bag of snickers bars to the stunned woman and resumed eating his bar of Irish Spring. When Elizabeta continued to stare at him he pulled another two bars from his pocket and held them up, offering them to the Hungarian. She briskly shook her head.

"Sorry, no Dove. I know it's the best, but I ran out a few days ago and all I have is Neutrogena and Irish Spring." The man said, adjusting his glasses and taking a bite out of a fresh bar, returning the Neutrogena one to his pocket. _That explains the soap with a bite taken out of it left in the bathroom after the interview,_ she thought. Leaving the man to his soap, Elizabeta returned to the classroom only to see most of the kids cowering in front of a menacing looking Brit, except Gilbert who looked entertained, and Alfred who looked defiant. She asked Arthur to talk to her in the hallway and closed the door behind them.

"What happened this time?" she asked.  
"That stupid American made fun of my eyebrows. I may or may not have threatened his life." He scowled. "What happened to that dumb Austrian anyways?"  
"He's eating soap in the kitchen, but that's besides the point. I know you are proud and all that-"  
"Tch."  
"-but you can't threaten kids. You scared the crap out of the others, didn't you see the Vargas brothers hiding behind the coat rack?"  
"I wasn't threatening them. Only that idiot Alfred. He knocked over the Prussian one and stole the kid's bird. Why does he have that anyways? Aren't pet birds usually banned from schools?"  
"Igen, but he graffitied pictures of "Gilbird" all over everything until he was allowed to bring him to school. The bird just sits quietly on his head so I don't see the harm."  
"Mmm. Alright...Wait, what did you say about soap?"  
"Nothing. Just go calm down and get a cup of tea or something. Please be back in fifteen minutes."  
"I'll do that. Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"DUDES, CHECK IT!" Alfred yelled from right behind Lovino, who in turn spun around and started yelling(cursing) at the American. He was wearing Arthur's coat around his shoulders, the arms tied around his neck like a cape. "I bet I can fly! Dude, smell you later, losers!" Alfred whipped around dramatically, unnoticed by the uncaring Austrian who was sitting at his desk eating something foamy while the other teachers were out. The American ran straight towards the window.

"Shit, we're two stories up!" Lovino yelled after the loud American.

Alfred waved him off and kept going, crashing through the window with a cry of "I am Alfredman, the Indestructible, Caped, Tornado of Justice!" Austria looked up at the loud crash and dived out of the way of the falling glass, using Feliciano as a human shield.

"Oh yeah? Well I am Gilbert, the Awesome!" Gilbert yelled.

"I am Ironing man, the Mighty, Unbeatable, Swashbuckler of Excellence!" Everyone turned to Antonio, who really just yelled the first thing that came to mind. The kids all gave him a weird look and then ran to the window, curious as to the fate of their classmate.

Alfred was in the arms of a strange man none of them knew who had shoulder-length blond hair and a French accent. "Oh, and what do we have here my sweet little one? Did you fall for me?." He said, then started laughing in a slightly(majorly) creepy way, scaring the kids who all ran and clung to Roderich. Except for Gilbert who shouted an "awesome" challenge to the Frenchman through the window.

"Hey, you, not awesome person! Put down the kid or I challenge you to a super-awesome duel with the awesome me where I will awesomely win like the awesome Prussian that I am! Awesomely!" He yelled, ignoring the aid's lazy correcting of "Prussia is no longer a country nor ethnicity." and leaning out the window, earning a small protesting chirp from Gilbird, who was almost dislodged by the quick movement. "Are you awesome enough to accept? Or are you even more not-awesome than I first thought?"

The Frenchman smiled, setting Alfred down to better talk to the self-absorbed fifth-grader, when Arthur came out of nowhere, tackling him to the ground and pinning him there.

"Francis, I thought you were given a ban on being near any sort of child ages ago! What were you doing to Alfred!?" The Brit yelled, thinking Francis had grabbed Alfred and jumped through the window, planning on kidnapping him and who knows what else. His yelling earned him a startled look from Francis.

"1, that was years ago, it's over now. 2, I was just saving Alfred-" he started, again being interrupted.

"Saving him from what, not being raped by you?"

"From falling to his death after jumping out of a window acting like a superhero!" The now slightly annoyed Frenchman defended. "Would you mind getting off me? If you want to be on top of me it will be much more comfortable elsewhere. Perhaps in a position where my arm isn't being put to sleep because of your kneeling on it. But it certainly can be arranged if you want to get on top of me some more~."

The stunned Brit removed himself from kneeling on Francis arms, therefore unpinning them, then did the mature thing; punched the still-grounded Frenchman in the face, but only once. See how mature it was ? He then told America to go inside to be looked over by the school nurse.

"Why are you here anyway, Frog?" Arthur demanded of the man who had regained his feet.

"Well mon cher," Arthur flinched inside. " I'm applying for a job here." He actually flinched.

"What!? You can't be serious! Think about the children, who knows how scared they will be after meeting you." The Brit pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, so you do actually care about the "morons'" futures. It was just that, last time we spoke you sounded as if you hated the fact that you were being sentenced as a school teacher. "Screw those morons' futures and all that." But from the power behind that tackle I can tell you care a least a little."

"It's not that, I'm pretty sure a ten-year-old being raped would at least double my sentence, if not more."

"The "r" word again? you offend me. I have bigger fish to fry than little children. Perhaps a hot-tempered blonde with illusions about how he doesn't love me? There are certainly more beautiful people out there, but who am I to deny you-"

"That's enough, I really don't need your harrassment in my life. Besides, Frog, I have to get back to the classroom. I need to make sure Roderich isn't knocking the kids out to nap on them or something."

"Oh, fine. But would you like to get together with me next weekend? I'm having a party."

"...Fine, but only if there are ten or more people there who you can bother."

"Sounds good, see you there."

Let's face it, the classroom was in chaos without Elizabeta there. All the kids had made(or been given) superhero names, villain identities, or the role of helpless civilian. Roderich was absolutely no help, sitting at his desk reading while kids were being pushed off stacked desks (supposedly cliffs) or tied up with jump ropes while the "heroes" tried to liberate and save them. Gilbert was kicking a bound and cursing Lovino when Alfred stepped in to save him.

"I think you need, A KNUCKLE SANDWICH!" He yelled, attempting to punch Gilbert, who ducked, and instead hit an unprepared Kiku(a fellow hero) in the face. "Sorry Kiku."

"Oh yeah, well I think you need a Hertz Donut!" Gilbert yelled, hitting America over the head with a shoe.

By the time Arthur came in the heroes and victims were in an all out war with the villains, but upon noticing the Brit's entrance, Alfred got an idea.

"It's Evil Bushy Brows of Doom! No one look at his eyebrows, it's like hypnosis!" He yelled, avoiding looking at the teacher's brows. "Villains, it's time that we, the heroes, send forth a temporary peace treaty in order to face this new threat, that, without our interfearence, will be the end of us all!"

"Sounds good Alfredman. Awesome fellow villains, time to take charge, GET BUSHYBROWS!" Gilbert spoke for the villains, being the most successful one so far and therefore the leader. He had pushed three kids off desks, tied up six more(including Wang Yao, one of the heroes. He was the only one to manage that, as the heroes acted as a team and were difficult to capture). His only competition would be Ivan, who succeeded in pushing no one, but tying up seven. The main reason Ivan was so feared by the "victims" was that he was the first kid to come up with torture for the captured victims. His torture consisted of tickling, screaming Barney songs in the poor kids' ears, poking with yardsticks, and worst of all stacking textbooks on the kids while his sister held them down. All the villains, Gilbert the Awesome, Vodkaman (Ivan), Natalya, and Sadiq (both without villain names)rushed towards Arthur, soon joined by Alfredman(Alfred), Kiku, Yao, and some kid no one knew.

"Yao, grab the jump rope! Hurry! Ivan, ground him, Gil, you and Belarus help! Ok, Kiku help me distract him, everyone else dogpile!" Alfred yelled, effectively calling the students to action. As usual Roderich didn't care, merely leaving the room to find a better place to read his book somewhere more peaceful.

Arthur fought, he really did but in the end who is a match against a determined class of fifth-graders? He was bound and gagged skillfully, and the students invited Ivan to do as he would.

Once again Alfred addressed the whole room "Great job dudes! We officially win! I propose we have a victory feast in continuation of our current treaty." There was a cheer of agreement from the room and a muffled yelp of pain from Arthur, who had just been jabbed by a yardstick. "Awlrighty then, who will sneak into the kitchen to get candy?" Kiku raised his hand. "Kay, good. Now, Gilbert, Ivan, um... Yao, Basch, and Antonio, come talk with me, we need to plan. And that gives us two reps for each category; hero, villain, and civilian."

They gathered at a table while Kiku snuck out to get candy and the others tormented the bound teacher's aid.


End file.
